Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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