Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
