my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
