this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
