Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
