you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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