my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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