No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
