The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
