Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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