i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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