Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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