you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
