You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
