Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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