I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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