I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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