I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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