So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This baby is an asshole
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
