Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize