i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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