I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
