DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
