Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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