I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
