It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
