just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
