there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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