after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
