How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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