how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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