im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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