My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
