You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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