Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
