I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
