What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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