you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
