He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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