i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
