I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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