the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize