I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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