Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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