i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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