sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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