my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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