evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
there is puke in my bra ... again
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
