Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
