I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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