i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
