I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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