you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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