I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sext me about skeletons
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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