I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
