Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
