your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
