i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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