i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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