My room smells like vodka and shame
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
