he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize