meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
only if we run a train.
done.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
