i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
