R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
