my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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