He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
