They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
