If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
