Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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