Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
