I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
