At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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