And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
