Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
