sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
