May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
